I admit I came to the computer today feeling really blue. A conversation I tried to have with DH last night did not go well, and I felt like I was to blame perhaps for even approaching it. Sometimes it's hard to know when you are giving wifely counsel or just plain second guessing. It seems like lately everything I do comes out skewed. I try to get these mini lap books printed off and I can't seem to get them lined up right. I have been cleaning house all week, determined to get it up to snuff and I tell ya, you can barely tell! And I have a doozy of a cold to boot. Mope, mope.
Sometimes It's hard to pull myself out of the heaviness that I feel over my failure. It's hard to get over being such an idiot. I must continue on because meals still have to be made, the boys have to learn to read, I can't just let things fall into chaos, and whether I agree with His choice or not, I can't deny that God has put me here. There are all these children about to remind me, ya know.
I tried reading my Bible, reading Oswald Chambers, kicking myself in the pants, yaddiyaddiyadda. S. seeing I wasn't feeling well (Sneezing and slobbering all over the place kind of clued her in.) Told me to go upstairs and blog while she makes pancakes. Gotta love the girl. But what to blog about.
What do you do when you're depressed?
Anyway, flitting about the internet trying to find something to help, I starting looking at some videos on YouTube. Sometimes music can find it's way to your heart when words just don't seem to help. And thanks to Amy, I think I can figure out how to put videos on this blog now! (Remember, explaining about html posting.)
Well, this is my theme for the day. I love Rich Mullins.
Off to have a good cry. Or clean the kitchen. One or the other...