Thursday, August 2, 2007

I admit I came to the computer today feeling really blue. A conversation I tried to have with DH last night did not go well, and I felt like I was to blame perhaps for even approaching it. Sometimes it's hard to know when you are giving wifely counsel or just plain second guessing. It seems like lately everything I do comes out skewed. I try to get these mini lap books printed off and I can't seem to get them lined up right. I have been cleaning house all week, determined to get it up to snuff and I tell ya, you can barely tell! And I have a doozy of a cold to boot. Mope, mope.

Sometimes It's hard to pull myself out of the heaviness that I feel over my failure. It's hard to get over being such an idiot. I must continue on because meals still have to be made, the boys have to learn to read, I can't just let things fall into chaos, and whether I agree with His choice or not, I can't deny that God has put me here. There are all these children about to remind me, ya know.

I tried reading my Bible, reading Oswald Chambers, kicking myself in the pants, yaddiyaddiyadda. S. seeing I wasn't feeling well (Sneezing and slobbering all over the place kind of clued her in.) Told me to go upstairs and blog while she makes pancakes. Gotta love the girl. But what to blog about.

What do you do when you're depressed?

Anyway, flitting about the internet trying to find something to help, I starting looking at some videos on YouTube. Sometimes music can find it's way to your heart when words just don't seem to help. And thanks to Amy, I think I can figure out how to put videos on this blog now! (Remember, explaining about html posting.)

Well, this is my theme for the day. I love Rich Mullins.

Off to have a good cry. Or clean the kitchen. One or the other...


Mrs. Darling said...

Kerri I thought about you today when I had Peter at the swimming pool. I wanted to come over but I had an appointment in Canby at the park with the homeschool group.

Sometimes I think its just totally strange how man and woman fall in love and how they have the ability to live together for years and still love each other. It truly is a miracle in every sense of the word. Couldnt God have made mans minds to think a little closer to that of a womans? You'd think He could have! I mean the Lord know it's not us that needs changing! :)

Okay thats tongue in cheek I hope you know. LOl

My hubby hasnt been in a good mood this week because of a severe toothache. I do feel sory for him poor man.

Hoep your day goes better from here on out.

Melanie said...

Sending you a BIG HUG my friend! Hang in there...we all have days like these...I have had a few this week as well, trying to give "wifely advice" that didn't go over too well. We have some decisions to make regarding finances, I HATE THOSE, and with hubby still in transition, starting his new position at work, things are a little stressed to say the least.

Maybe a walk to clear your mind and just do some praying...I know that helps me sometimes when I am feeling frustrated and blue.

Praying for you and hope the week finishes out better for you!

Roberta said...

I hear your heart and wanted to encourage you with the Word, friend.

5For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from him.
6 He only is my rock and my salvation,
my fortress; I shall not be shaken.
7 On God rests my salvation and my glory;
my mighty rock, my refuge is God.
8 Trust in him at all times, O people;
pour out your heart before him;
God is a refuge for us.

Psalm 62:5-8

Anonymous said...

weird how we're having similar weeks. I have a sore throat and I'm whiney and somewhat depressed like and the boys introduced me to chuzzle. probably not smart!

I hate when dh takes something completely wrong--I mean of all the people who should know me by now and what I mean! But I spose he surprises me too--like at a church Bible study last night. He said a few things that threw me in a good way. lol

Thanks for still reading and commenting--comments are down and in my present state of mind it makes me wonder why I bother! ;0)

Marbel said...

Hope you are better today. I had a big long cry last night. Just frustration over moving, things not working right, etc. It helped... some. Those blues come and go sometimes. Hope all is well today and things straightened out with hubby. I know when things get out of whack between us here, nothing seems right. But it usually doesn't last long.

Joyce said...

Dear Kerri,
I hope you're feeling better. My husband reads my blog diligently, so that's an encouragement I have to discuss misunderstandings with him right away! He'll say, "Is this about me?" Uh-oh! So . . . It's better to keep short accounts anyhow, and let him know if he has sinned against you (I know nothing. I'm speaking theoretically only.) I love the book Holding Hands, Holding Hearts by Richard Philips. I have a post about it somewhere on my blog. He does the best job of anyone I know of outlining the Biblical husband/wife relationship. So, I hope you will be able to cheer up soon, Kerri.