Wednesday, July 25, 2007

This week one of my children (Whoshallreamainnamelessyouallprobablyknowwhichoneanyway) seems to have set his teeth towards making me and everyone else around him miserable. I don't get this kid sometimes. He can be so difficult. Not just the effort involved in seeing to his attitudes and character development but just the bewilderment I feel in making even the slightest dent in his mindset. Not only that he needs to suppress the urge of kicking apart his younger brother's Brio train set up, but that he needs to deal with the fact that he plain has a mean streak sometimes and needs to deal with his sinful little heart!!

Another child, who is not so overtly naughty, but still has a sin nature of her own has been inclined to demonstrate it by slumping her shoulders and screwing up her mouth at every little thing I ask her to do. She slumps off as though the weight of the world were on her shoulders and I am the Mean Taskmaster of the World.

How do I get her to see that it is not my or her older siblings job to put away her laundry for her and that I only ask her to get out her math for her own good? I can make her change the expression on her face, but I can't change her heart.

I do have to be faithful in dealing with these children. I can't just leave them to themselves. But I pray and pray more and more that God will please help me in this mothering thing! I so need Him to be dealing with them even when I don't know the thoughts they are harboring in those little minds of theirs!

The other day I was walking down the street with S. and we were discussing the particular difficulties we are having with these particular children. She commented that sometimes she gets scared to have children just thinking about all these things you have to deal with. I said "Well, if you have to do it on your own, you ought to be terrified!"

But she knew what I meant was that we aren't on our own. And sometimes I just have to keep on even though I am not seeing much good fruit right now. And I have to pray and pray, not relying on my own strength to teach these kids the things that are good and right, but believe that God loves them more than I do and that He hears the prayers I hold out for them. It isn't an excuse to be lazy, but strength to move on when it takes something out of me and I wonder if it could be doing one bit of good!

There are lots of other people I'm praying for as well, that I don't have the privilege of being so directly involved with. I pray and pray for them, worry over them, and watch to see if any of my prayers are having any fruit at all! Sometimes I get tired of feeling anxious over them and wonder why on earth I am so emotionally involved and think maybe I should just leave off. But then I wonder if my prayers might be doing some good and who is it that would want me to stop praying? It drives me nuts. In person I ask them about ordinary things but I want to say "How are you doing, REALLY!" Prayer is hard. It seems so pointless, to think that the words I utter at the ceiling could be doing anything. I wonder if God is answering them. I simply must trust and expect that He is.


Mrs. Darling said...

Oh my Kerri, I just cant imagine which one of your sweet little girls could possibly cause you trouble. :) And as far as O goes, well if I had him I would have to count him as the best behaved of all my kids; lol

You have such well behaved children it can only be a credit to you and your husbands parenting.

I too feel like my prayers arent getting through some times and I feel totally overwhelmed with all the prayer needed to raise my kids. I just have to believe though that God has a special place in His heart for a praying mother so I keep praying.

Myfriendconnie said...

Hi there,
Thank you so much for leaving the sweet words of encouragement on my blog. It makes a difference to know others have done what I am trying to do.

I'm enjoying your blog, too.

kerri @ gladoil said...

Connie, thanks for coming by!

Mrs. D. O. is usually better behaved when you are here because he likes Peter and is distracted by his usual mission. But you know there is more than one kind of strong willed! SOmetimes I think O. is easier-though more likely to cause public embarrassment-because the lines are clear and I know what to do with him. But a couple of my girls, one in particular, are passive aggressive and it leaves me perplexed..Or I just don't always catch it and it is harder to deal with.

Susan in Elk Grove, CA said...

Ah, yes.....the passive agressive daughter. I have one of those living here! It's a rare moment when she actually tells me what's on her mind. Prayer, Kerri, LOTS of prayer! But then, I don't have to tell you that. Mine challenges almost every decision I make, thinking she has a better idea every time (that's when I don't need to know what's on her mind). ;-) Granted, sometimes she does have a better idea. But can she just trust me and go with the flow? Apparently not. You're right.....we can't change their hearts, and it's important to remember that (and it's also hard). :-)

kerri @ gladoil said...

Oh, that is an extremely hard concept for them to get. That they could have a better idea and not be able to use it, SIMPLY out of submission! But then I guess that has been a pretty hard one for me too... :)