Lately I've been thinking a lot about marriage. What makes a good marriage? What is the definition of a good marriage for that matter? Is it that the couple are happy and living relatively peacefully together? Is it that they've raised a passel of Christian warrior types? Is it enough that their children went on to establish relatively happy households themselves? Or if their children bomb out, but their marriage was still together and peaceful, is that still a succesful marriage?

R. and I will be married for 20 years next fall. All in all I think we've been pretty happy. If my kids went on to have comparable marriage, I'd be pretty happy for them, I think. But I'm defining my definition of a good marriage on the fact that we are pretty happy together, get along well, still enjoy being together and all that. Is that enough? Or is it selfish to see it that way? Like should I look at how beneficial to society our marriage has been?

I wonder what was it about us that has made our marriage pretty peaceful and happy compared to other people we know. Especially I wonder because we did not follow almost any of the forms that are put forth in a lot of Christian and especially homeschooling circles. And other people we know who were much more careful aren't always quite as happy. Human nature is an interesting study, isn't it?

We feel a lot of responsibility to be involved in our children's choices. We really, really want to do a good job, not just leave them to themselves in the most important decision they can make like we were. But I feel conflicted about what is most important.

What traits to look for?


Pride. God save my girls from a prideful man. Or my boys from a prideful girl, for that matter..Pride is a very scary thing. It not only is a vice in itself, when you are afflicted with it you cannot get help for it or any other problem you may be dealing with. The pride itself keeps you from any improvement in any area that it would be detrimental to your pride to admit fault. Plus it's obnoxious and makes everyone else miserable.

Resentfulness.There are so many opportunities in a marriage to make "lists" against each other. Not a formula for happiness.


Self control. Self control is how we protect ourselves and others around us from our own sin nature. We all have temptations, but it won't matter what you are tempted with if you never act upon it. This is one trait I need more of. :(

Contentment.. None of us gets everything we want. How do you deal with it?

Ability to laugh, especially at oneself.

I find all these extensive lists interesting. Are they realistic? Is an extensive list a sign of high standards? Or is it a sign of perfectionism that could be a problem in itself? Is it a bit much to expect all these traits to be fullfilled in one person? I know, it depends on the list.

Just some random musings that I was chewing on during my walk today. You input is completely, happily welcome!

And as an aside-WHY can't I find the place where the image is put into my template? On Homeschool blogger it's really easy to find and change on the html but I can't even find it on blogger and I want to center it or repeat it or something...