A friend of mine is convinced I have a light sensory disorder. At first I was kind of skeptical because I was always considered a good reader but I think more and more she may be right. I have always thought if I was in school today I wold be diagnosed with ADD. I had the hardest time with paying attention, doing school work, losing things, and especially day dreaming. The teachers would always say "Kerri would be so smart, do so well if she would only apply herself." I would work for days on a project only to drop it on the way to school or leave it in another notebook at home. My desk, locker, notebook, room were always a complete disaster. (I tell R. he was pretty brave to marry me.) I would hyper focus on one thing (like a really long report I did on cat breeds that went on and on until my mom made me stop.) that wasn't required and then I wouldn't do the stuff that was.

I have always noticed I lose my mind when I am under fluorescent lighting. I can have my whole grocery list memorized (or a list in my pocket) and when step inside the door my brain goes fzzzt. And all data is lost. Or I forget (honestly, I do this all the time) that I even have the list. I have completely walked out of the store and gotten halfway home before I remember to look at the list! I spent a bunch of time looking at the paint chips or earrings and I didn't get what was on my list!

The other day when S. and I went to the mall I had one specific thing I knew I wanted to get there. One thing. But when we walked in the door we were so hungry we felt sick so we went to get a sandwich. After a half hour in line and eating I completely couldn't remember why I was there. The information was just not there! I walked around trying to remember. Not there. Completely gone. We looked at Christmas music, clothes, wandered around and it still wasn't there. I couldn't remember until we had gotten off the bus in our own town and were walking home.

This can get so depressing sometimes. I feel like I'm always in a scatter trying to remember where I am going, what I am doing, who needs what.

Also at night I get really.. Well.. not afraid exactly because I know it is me, but when we drive at night the lights that whiz past are confusing and over stimulating to me. I don't know which ones to pay attention to and which to disregard. And more and more I have been having a lot of trouble paying attention when I read. My eye skips lines and my mind will insert a word when it really isn't till the next line.

I go for a lot of walks. I think that the natural lighting outside really helps to calm me and help me to think straight. I get my best ideas when I am outside walking.

I'd like to try to get tested for this light processing thing. And get Forrest tested too. I see a lot of me in that boy..